In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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