if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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