Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
