Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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