Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
