the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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