I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
