??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
