Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
