Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
