Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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