So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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