last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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