ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
