Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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