i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
