I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is pants optional.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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