i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
