fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
