I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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