there's paper in my vomit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
