"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
