Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
