my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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