super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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