I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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