U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
