and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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