You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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