she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
