I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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