DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
