The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
