I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
