So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i out mim tonsoeep
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