I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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