I puked a lego.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
