you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
