why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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