Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
