We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
