I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
