Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
