i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
