Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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