He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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