Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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