I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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