What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
