What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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