I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why didn't you poke me back
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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