after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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