Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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