Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
