I will die if light touches me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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