he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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