How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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