No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
