omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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