I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i out mim tonsoeep
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