Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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