i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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