after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
