I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
