You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come share oat with me in your robe
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