I hate your face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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