Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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