im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
